The Deal of Death
by SpriteCoke
Summary: Eric promises to be nice to Butters if he does him a favor. Butters holds this deal against him and forces Eric to be nice to him for all eternity. Will Eric be forced to serve Butters for the rest of his life? ButtersCartman Cartman Butters Slash
1. Chapter 1

**Here's the first chapter of my Butters/Cartman story. Barely anybody writes for the two, which sucks. Hopefully this story will please fans of the pairing. **

**Future chapters will be more slashy but not by much. They'll be more slashy than not, but not really... Like, it'll be 7 more slashier than the series. **

* * *

Chapter 1

One day, Butters was in the classroom listening to the math teacher, Mr. Bailey, teach the class. Butters listened very carefully, he didn't want to get a bad grade and end up getting grounded. That'd be the worst, he thought.

He put all his attention on the black board and wrote down on paper everything that was written. He made sure he understood everything he wrote down or else he wouldn't allow himself to write another sentence.

Once Mr. Bailey finally finished writing with the squeaky chalk all over the black board, Butters proof read his notes. By now, he understood everything and he knew his parents would be very proud.

Smiling, Butters then heard someone whisper his name. He looked at where the voice had come from and found Eric looking at him with an odd expression on his face. Butters blinked and then waved. Eric waved back and then turned around, seeming satisfied.

_Wow, Eric called my name and risked getting in trouble just to say hello to me! I sure do feel special! _Butters thought, looking down at the desk and smiling.

Suddenly, Butters felt something hit his mouth. He gasped, wondering what was going on and what had just happened. Touching his mouth, he felt a goo-like substance and then looking at his fingers, he noticed it was brown.

Butters smelled his fingers and found it was chocolate. He looked down and saw a half eaten donut on his desk.

_What the...? _he thought. Butters looked up and found Cartman staring at him and trying to hold in his laughter. Looking in the other direction, Butters also noticed Kyle and Stan were trying not to laugh as well as Kenny, Craig and Clyde. He glared at Eric and folded his arms across his chest.

" Mr. Bailey, can I go to the bathroom?" Butters asked, raising his hand and asking the question at the same time.

Mr. Bailey looked up from his desk and Butters noticed he didn't look too happy. Butters rubbed his knuckles together.

" Butters! You know not to speak without permiss--!" the teacher paused, noticing the mess of chocolate that was all over the floor, Butters' desk, and Butters' face.

" Well, I'm awful sorry, but your head was down and I didn't w-wanna go up to your desk 'cause I thought--" Butters began but was cut off once the teacher had recovered from his anger (somewhat).

" Mr. Stotch!!" the teacher yelled, getting out of his chair and running up to Butters. Butters' mouth hung open in fear.

" Look at this mess! There's chocolate everywhere!!" Mr. Bailey yelled, gripping the sides of his head. Butters shook his head back and forth.

" It-it wasn't me! It was--!" Butters gasped once the teacher began yelling again and noticed Eric was so close to losing it. His face was all red and there were tears sliding down his fat cheeks.

" Go to the office! Now! Now! Now!" The teacher yelled. It seemed he was about to have a nervous breakdown. Butters quickly got up from his desk and ran around the teacher as quickly as he could.

" Oh, now you're running?! Butters, Jesus, are you trying to give me a heart-attack?!" the teacher cried, holding his heart. He sat down in Butters' seat and took deep breaths, counting down from ten. Butters slowly and nervously walked out of the classroom. Before he opened the door to the classroom, he turned back to the teacher and blinked. Mr. Bailey looked like he was going to die but Butters had to reveal the truth.

" It wasn't me, Mr. Bailey, it was Er--" he started, but Eric quickly shushed him.

" Butters, I think you've done enough for today! Why don't you just go?!" Eric yelled. Butters wrung his hands together and then left the classroom, slowly walking down the hall. He hung his head and made his way to the Principal's Office where Principal Victoria sat, reading what was on her desk.

Once she looked up she saw Butters who looked close to crying. He sat down in the chair and sniffed, rubbing his left eye. He really didn't want to be grounded or beaten, he just wanted to be treated with kindness and respect. Especially since everything that he was grounded for wasn't his fault.

" Another one from Mr. Bailey's class? Well, gee, you guys have been pretty disobedient ever since he came along," she said. Butters sighed, wondering how long he'd be grounded for.

" What'd you do?" the principal asked, taking out a paper and a pen to write down Butters' actions. Butters looked up from his lap.

" I didn't do anything! Eric threw a donut at me and chocolate got all over the place and the teacher blamed me!" Butters explained, sadness in his eyes. He still thought he'd be grounded for being sent to the office at all but he thought the beatings would be a lot less harsh if he was proven innocent and didn't have to go to detention.

" What happened after that?" the principal asked, writing down everything Butters said.

" Well, the teacher told me t-to come to the office and then I ran away from him... and when I went to tell him that I didn't do it, Eric yelled at me so I just left..." Butters said, looking off to the side.

" Eric Cartman?" she asked, looking up from her papers. Butters shook his head up and down.

" Yes, that Eric sure is a trouble-maker..." she said. Butters smiled, glad that she understood that it wasn't his fault.

After thirty seconds of silence the principal told Butters that he'd have detention. Butters gasped.

" What?! Bu-but you believe me, don't ya?" he asked. She shook her head up and down.

" Yes, I believe you," she said, not seeming to understand why Butters was confused.

" Then why do I have to go to detention?!" Butters cried, his hands up in the air. He was so confused.

" Well, you ran in the classroom. You know you can't run in school," she said, kindly. She put Butters' paper away and then went back to writing about some other student. Butters sighed and then left the office, returning to Mr. Bailey's class.

Once he entered the classroom, Mr. Bailey gave him a dirty look. Butters looked away, ashamed.

" Oh, look who's back! Mr. I'm-too-good-for-school-I-can-eat-donuts-and-make-a-mess-during-a-lesson-and-then-run-from-the-class! Welcome back, Mr. I'm-too-good-for-school-I-can-eat-donuts-and-make-a-mess-during-a-lesson-and-then-run-from-the-class!" the teacher said. Butters slowly walked over to his seat and sat, his face down.

" Class, why don't you welcome Mr. I'm-too-good-for-school-I-can-eat-donuts-and-make-a-mess-during-a-lesson-and-then-run-from-the-class back to the class!"

" Welcome back to class, Mr. I'm-too-good-for-donuts-and-running-in-class..." the students said, failing to remember the math teacher's exact words. Butters' bottom lip quivered as he tried to hold in his tears.

It was so hard for Eric to keep quiet as the teacher continued making fun of Butters for the rest of the class.

--

At the end of the school day, Butters walked down to detention. He looked down at his feet as he told the detention teacher who he was and why he was there. The teacher ended up making Butters write 'I will not run in school' on the front and back of 10 papers. She said there could be no errors.

Butters chose a seat and sat, then wrote one, two, three, four sentences. Already his wrist was getting sore. He sighed and flexed his fingers, then went back to writing. He really hated Eric at that moment.

_Stupid Eric! He's always getting me in trouble! I wish he would just pick on somebody else! All I've ever done was treat him with kindness... that big jerk! I'm gonna get a good beating because of him!_

Butters was so angry that he pressed his pencil hard down against the paper, breaking the lead.

_Oh, darn!_

Butters raised his hand. The teacher was staring off into space, right next to Butters' head.

_I wonder what's for dinner tonight. Damn, I hope it's that chicken. Jesus, I love that fuckin' chicken it tastes so god damned good. _the detention teacher thought, her mouth wattering.

Butters waved his hand back and forth, wondering why the teacher was ignoring him.

_She's so mad that she's ignoring me! _Butters thought, lowering his hand. He looked down at his paper and saw only ten sentences. He really didn't want to spend the rest of the day here at detention, he wanted to get home so he could just get over being beaten and grounded before bed.

Butters looked around for a pencil that may have fell on the ground. There was only a pen and he knew that you weren't allowed to use pens in detention.

He then noticed that the led tip of his pencil was on his desk. He wondered if he'd be able to write the rest of the papers with just the tip of a pencil and he decided he had no other choice.

Picking up the led tip between his thumb and finger, he began writing more sentences. It was very hard; he didn't have a lot of control with writing and some letters were squiggly.

--

Finally, an hour and a half later, Butters was finished and he went up to the teacher's desk, showing his work. She took the papers from Butters' hand and then checked every page.

Finally, she slammed the papers on her desk and gave Butters ten more pieces of lined paper. Butters gasped, his eyes wide with horror.

" You forgot the period- fifth page, 7th sentence! Redo it all!!" the detention lady yelled.

" W-what?!" Butters yelped, trying not to cry; but he was just so upset that he couldn't help it and he covered his face with his hands.

Crying in front of the other laughing students in detention, Butters asked for a new pencil. The teacher said she already gave him one and that she wasn't giving him another. Butters cried louder as he sat back down in his chair, wiping the tears from his face as more fell from his eyes.

_Stupid, stupid Eric! If he never threw that donut at me, I wouldn't have had to ask the teacher if I could use the bathroom, and then he never would have gotten mad and yelled at me, and I never would have ran, and I wouldn't be here right now! I'd be at home maybe drawing a picture! _

Butters continued whimpering until the detention teacher yelled at him to shut up. He pressed his lips together, trying his hardest not to make a sound as he again began writing with the small tip of his pencil.

--

Butters had just walked home from school and was now stepping into his drive-way. He knew he was going to get it, big time. He rubbed his knuckles together. He really didn't want to be beaten, he'd had a rough enough day. Butters had an urge to transform into Professor Chaos at that moment so he could let out all his anger. He decided that after his beating and grounding, he'd be sure to get Eric back.

Opening the door to his house, he found his mother and father pacing with mad faces. They looked like they had to let out a lot of energy, especially his father.

" Butters!" Mr. Stotch yelled, realising his son was home. Butters flinched.

" Detention, again?! How many times is that this week?!" he began, running up to Butters and putting his hands on his hips.

" D-dad, it was Eric! It's always Eric!" Butters explained. His father shook his head back and forth and shushed his son.

" No, no! Don't you blame this on anybody! It's nobody's fault but yours, Butters!" his father said. Butters looked down at his feet. Maybe his dad was right.

" You're so lucky!" Mr. Stotch said, shutting his eyes tight.

" W-why am I lucky, sir?" Butters asked, referring to his father as 'sir', now, out of fear that if he didn't his father would whack him.

" You're lucky because... your mother and I have been talking and we've decided that we won't... ground you," Butters' mother was now standing beside her husband. Butters looked up at them, hopefully.

" R-really?" Butters asked, not quite sure if he heard right or if his parents were being sarcastic.

" Yes..." Stephen Stotch said, taking a deep breath and continuing his sentence with a forced smile and enthusiasm.

" We've read that children at your age often do bad things to get attention from their parents. So we've decided that if you don't do anything bad for a whole week your mother and I will give you a really great surprise! How does that sound?" Mr. Stotch asked, bending down and resting his hand on Butters' shoulder. He was still very upset but he tried remaining calm as he hugged his son.

Butters smiled and jumped up and down.

" A surprise?! Oh, yay! What is it?!" Butters yelled, hugging his father.

" Well, it wouldn't be a surprise if we told you, son! Remember that," said Mr. Stotch.

" Oh, yeah," Butters said, running up the stairs.

" I'm gonna go do m-my homework!" he said.

" Alright, Butters... and you promise that you'll behave yourself?" Mr. Stotch asked. Butters shook his head up and down.

" I sure do, dad! I'll be the greatest son there ever was!"

--

Once Butters was finished with his homework, he got into his pajamas and crawled into bed. A few minutes later, his parents came in with smiles on their faces.

" Good night, Butters!" they said in unison.

" Night dad! Night mom!" Butters said, pulling the covers up to his neck. He wished his parents acted like this _all_ the time.

" Don't forget, son... be good all week and you'll be rewarded!" Mr. Stotch reminded. Butters smiled.

" I-I won't forget... don't you worry," Butters said. Mr. Stotch nodded then left Butters' room, shutting the door behind him and his wife.

Butters fell asleep that night wondering what the great surprise was going to be.

--

The next morning in reading class, Butters sat in his seat beside Eric and payed close attention. He wanted that surprise so badly, he was willing to do anything to get it.

_I wonder what it is! Is it a sweater? A new kitty? Oh, I can't think about it right now! If I don't pay attention, I might get a bad grade on the test and then I'll never know what the prize is!_

Butters put the thought of the surprise to the back of his mind and listened to the teachers' every word.

" Okay, class, open your reading books to page 106," said Mrs. Scully. Butters flipped through the book and finally found the page. A few minutes later Butters heard a whisper.

" Hey... hey, Butters..." Eric whispered. Butters turned toward Eric and then back to his book, glaring at the letters instead of the fat boy beside him.

" Butters..." Eric whispered again. He poked Butters' arm with his pencil. Butters didn't move, he just kept his eyes on the book.

" Butters, you ass hole, listen to me," Eric said a little louder. He kicked Butters in the shin, which made Butters wince but otherwise he did nothing.

" Butters, what page are you on?" Eric asked. Eric wasn't listening to the teacher when she said which page to turn to and Butters usually helped him out in his time of need.

_Why the hell isn't he talking to me?! Selfish son of a bitch! _Eric thought, his eyebrows lowered.

" Butters, I swear to God, if you don't tell me what page you're on... I will take a shit on your face," Eric said, a little louder than a whisper.

" Stop talking, young man, and read the story!" Mrs. Scully yelled, pointing at Eric. Eric squinted and sarcastically apologized.

Looking over at Butters, he tried reading the page number but Butters covered it with his hand. Eric cursed. He didn't even care about his grade anymore, he just wanted to get the information Butters wouldn't give him.

" Oh my god, what the hell is that?!" Eric yelled, loud enough for the whole class to hear. He pointed to the wall on the side of the building and everyone, including Butters, looked in the direction that Eric was pointing in. Eric quickly took Butters' book and found the story started on page 106. Smirking, Eric put the book back on Butters' desk and flipped his book to the same page.

" Well, what is it, Eric?!" Mrs. Scully yelled, still looking at where he had pointed.

" Oh my gosh, there was... it was like a freakin' alien or something. I guess it's gone... Now, could you please be quiet, Mrs. Scully? I'm trying to read this amazing story..." Eric said as politely as he could. The teacher smiled and sat down.

" Yes, Eric. Thank you for asking so politely," she said. Eric smiled humbly and then started reading the story.

Butters frowned, looking at Eric's desk and noticing he'd found which page the story was on.

_He must've checked my book while my head was turned! _Butters thought.

--

Later in the hallway, Butters was walking to his next class. He almost bumped into Craig and apologized. Craig ignored him.

" Hey, asshole!?" Eric yelled, running up to Butters. Butters kept walking and Eric followed him.

" Butters, why the heck are you ignoring me? What have I ever done to you?!"

" I-I'm sorry, Eric, but I just can't communicate with you!" Butters said, not looking back.

" Why the hell not? I needed you, today, Butters!" Eric cried. Butters was guilty for a split second before he remembered that he was doing this for a good reason.

" I'm sorry but you always get me grounded and I can't be grounded for a whole week! My parents said they'd give me a special surprise if I don't get grounded," Butters explained. He stood before their next class and then turned around, finally looking at Eric. Eric enjoyed the attention, he was getting sick of being ignored.

" M-maybe next week we can hang out, 'kay?" Butters offered before going into the classroom, leaving Eric alone in the hall. Eric paused.

" I don't even want to hang out with you! You black ass hole! You bitch!" Eric yelled. He didn't want Butters to think this was affecting him at all because it sure wasn't.

_Stupid Butters... little retard. He thinks he can ignore me? I'll make sure he gets in trouble so he never gets that super special surprise. I'll put him in his place. Stupid whore... _

_--_

Later that day, Eric tried getting Butters grounded by putting a rotten apple on the history teachers' desk. Tied to the stem was a little paper and on it said, " To: Ass Hole, From: Butters the Homo". The teacher, Mr. Jones, looked at the apple and read the paper. Grinning, he then put it back in its original place.

_What the...? Why isn't Butters getting raped? _Eric wondered, a brow raised.

" Um, hello, Mr. Teacher? Did you see the apple that Butters put on your desk? Pretty hot, right?" Eric asked. Mr. Jones smiled.

" Oh, yes, it was! Thank you, Mr. Stotch!" the teacher said, much to Eric's confusion. Eric expected the teacher to take Butters into the school's bathroom and do what he did to that other kid. Eric figured that if Butters got raped, his parents would ground him and he'd never get the super duper prize.

" W-well, I didn't--" Butters began but Eric interrupted him.

" What's that, Butters? The bathroom...? Sure, I'll tell him... Um... I think Butters has to use the bathroom, Mr. Jones," Eric said. Butters looked up from his notes and shook his head back and forth.

" N-no I don't," he said, quickly returning to his work.

" Yes, you do..." Eric said, glaring at Butters. Butters ignored him.

Eric grinded his teeth together, giving up on plan A and then went back to writing the words from the board onto a piece of paper.

The history teacher shook his head back and forth.

_Geez, Butters is so not my type! I'd way rather go to the bathroom with Kyle... that sexy ass bitch! _Mr. Jones thought. Kyle looked up from his desk and found the teacher staring at him with an odd look in his eyes.

_Man, why's he always looking at me like that?! _Kyle thought before going back to writing.

--

All week long, Eric tried getting Butters grounded.

At the beginning of the week, Eric put glue in Mr. Stotch's shoes and then wrote on the wall "Butters was here", but that didn't work out because all had been out buying new shoes and Mr. Stotch knew his son couldn't have done it since he was with him the whole time.

Toward the middle of the week, Eric broke the windows of Mr. Stotch's car and carved into the side of the car "I hate you, Love Butters". That didn't work because Eric had broken the window with a brick and once they found it, Butters' parents knew their son was too much of a pansy to ever pick up a brick. They laughed and then blamed the incident on mutant racoons.

By the end of the week, Eric put cat crap in Butters' pants so that his parents would think he crapped himself but that didn't work out because Butters' parents already knew that their son had sphincter issues that he couldn't always control.

The week had been complete failure for Eric... Butters surprisingly hadn't been grounded once.


	2. Chapter 2

**The update is quick because I've got a few chapters already written. **

**This chapter's pretty fun. Enjoy. **

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Chapter 2

Butters had done it. He didn't do anything bad for a whole week and he wasn't grounded once. It was Friday and Butters was so excited to find out what the grand surprise was. He'd been waiting all week and he knew he'd be extra excited once he found out what he'd be getting.

" Mom! Dad!" Butters cried, running down the stairs. Once he reached the livingroom floor, he found his parents opening the door to their house. His mother was wearing a lovely red dress and his father had on a decent suit. Butters paused, wondering if this was part of the surprise.

" Are we goin' out?" Butters asked, looking up at his parents.

" Well, no, Butters, your mother and I are going out to dinner without you. We'll be home sometime around midnight," Mr. Stotch said.

" B-but what about my surprise? I didn't do one bad thing this week!" Butters told his father. Mr. Stotch gasped and put his hands to his face.

" Oh my gosh, Butters! I'm sorry but I...I forgot!" he said, seeming truely guilty. Butters rubbed his knuckles together, all his hopes hitting the floor.

For a minute both his parents looked at eachother and then their son. Butters stood where he was, hoping that maybe they'd decide not to go out and leave him all alone.

" I'm sorry, son, but... we've been planning this all month. It totally slipped my mind that I got us three coupons for a free meal at Tgi Friday's... and they can only be used tonight or else they're worthless..." Butters' father said, taking the coupons out of his pocket. Butters gasped, his eyes wide. This was so horrible.

" W-we have to go, dad! I've been waiting for this all week!" Butters complained, running up to his father and hugging his leg. Mr. Stotch kneeled down.

" I'm sorry, son... just... look at this like a life lesson. You don't always get what you want," he said, standing straight and putting his arm around his wife. Butters hung his head down and looked at his feet.

" Now, wait, Stephen... Maybe Butters could go with someone else," Mrs. Stotch said, smiling and looking down at Butters and then at her husband.

" Linda, are you crazy?!" Mr. Stotch cried.

" No, hunny. We have to go to this date and we promised Butters that we'd give him a surprise. We have to be fair and at least let him take a little friend out to dinner... nothing bad's going to happen," the mother said, smiling to lighten her husband's mood. Stephen sighed.

" Oh, alright... don't you turn gay, Butters!" Mr. Stotch ordered before giving Butters the three coupons. Butters smiled and took the coupons from his father.

" Thanks mom! Thanks dad! I-I swear I'll be on my best b-behavior!" Butters said. His mother kissed him on the top of the head and his father glared at him.

" Have a good time," Mr. Stotch said as nicely as he could before walking from the house and closing the door behind them.

Butters smiled and jumped up and down once his parents were out of view.

" I'm goin' to T-Tgi Friday's! Oh boy!" he cried, running around the house.

" Now, who to take!" Butters said, pausing. Of course, the first person that came to mind was Eric but Butters shook his head back and forth after remembering that Eric tried getting him grounded all week. The next person that came to mind was Kyle. Kyle was nice, sometimes.

" Kyle it is, then!" Butters said, putting on his jacket and then leaving the house.

--

" Hey, fellers!" Butters said once he found the group. Stan and Kyle stopped talking right away and looked at Butters, slightly irritated.

" What do you want, Butters?" Stan asked. Butters ran up to the boys, smiling and highly energetic.

" W-well, my parents gave me three coupons for a free meal at Tgi Friday's and I was wonderin' if you'd like to come, Kyle!" Butters said, smiling and standing in front of Kyle. Kyle looked to the left then the right.

Eric raised a brow, wondering why Butters would ask Kyle before himself. He thought the week was over.

" Um... sorry, dude. Me and Stan have plans," Kyle said, looking at Stan who nodded. Butters frowned.

" Oh... okay... Do you want to come, Kenny? Eric tells me that you're poor, you might like a nice meal," Butters said. Eric laughed and pointed at Kenny who called Butters an ass hole. Butters swallowed and rubbed the back of his neck, nervously. He almost asked Eric if he wanted to come just because he was the only boy left of the group but decided not to. This was pay back for all the times Eric had been mean to him.

" Well, I'll see you guys later, then," Butters said, turning his back on the group.

" What?!" Eric yelled. Stan, Kyle, and Kenny laughed as Eric ran up to Butters.

" Hold on a second, stupid, why didn't you ask me if I wanted to go?!"

Butters turned around and looked Eric in the eyes.

" 'Cause, you've been a real jerk lately! I wouldn't have even gotten these coupons if you'd succeeded in getting me grounded!" Butters said, glaring at Eric. Eric seemed at a loss for words.

" But... Butters! You've got three coupons! We could each get a meal and a half!" Eric pleaded, looking down at the coupons and reading what they said.

"... And we could get three free icecreams?! Come on, you have to take your good buddy Eric! I've always been there for you, pal!" Eric begged, putting his hands on Butters' shoulders.

" No, Eric! You've been nothing but mean to me, I ain't takin' you!" Butters said, trying to walk away from Eric. Eric grabbed the back of Butters' coat. Butters yelped and almost fell over.

" Butters, I swear to god, I'll be nice to you! I'll be so nice, I promise! Please, just let me come with you! Pleeeaaase!!" Eric was on his hands and knees now, almost in tears.

" That fat ass will do anything for food," Kyle told Stan. Stan shook his head up and down.

" You... you will?" asked Butters, hopefully.

" Yes!"

" You swear?" asked Butters.

" I swear on my life!" Eric said, still kneeling and looking up at Butters. Butters held his own chin and looked upward. He then bent down and whispered in Eric's ear.

" If you break your promise, I'm going to show everyone the picture I have of you t-touchin' your wiener and looking at boys in a magazine," Butters whispered. Eric gasped and got up from his kneeling position.

" I... I never did that! Where the hell--!? ... My hand slipped, I... I did that for a good reason!" Eric paused and looked back finding his three friends watching him. He leaned closer to Butters.

" Alright, I promise," Eric whispered. Butters smiled.

" Well, let's go then!" the blonde haired boy exclaimed, giving Eric one of the three coupons.

" Here, you can hold one. But I'm going to hold the other two, okay? J-Just in case you accidentally lose it," Butters said, going into parental mode now that he knew he was in control of Eric. Kenny laughed and pointed at Eric, calling him a fag's bitch.

Eric rolled his eyes and followed Butters down the street. It wouldn't take too long to get to Tgi Friday's from the street they were on.

--

Once there, Butters and Eric waited in line. It was busier than usual since it was Friday and everyone had gotten the special coupons. The waitresses were running around like mad, one screaming at a customer that asked for a straw.

" You want a straw?! A fucking straw, are you kidding me?! Just drink it, you pansy ass!" she yelled. Seconds after, strong men grabbed her by the arms and legs and took her into the back room.

" She must be calpustraining," Eric whispered to Butters. Butters rubbed his knuckles together.

" What's that mean?" asked Butters, fear in his eyes. Eric shook his head back and forth.

" Don't you know anything about women, Butters? Jesus Christ... it's when a tampon is stuffed down a woman's throat and then it comes out of her ass, making it bleed," Eric explained. Butters put his hand to his chin.

" W-well, that's really unpleasant..." Butters said. Eric nodded.

" That it is, Butters. That it is."

--

The two waited in line a little longer. Eric was completely void of patience and once they finally had their waitress, he screamed at her.

" Oh, yeah, that didn't take forever or anything! Jesus Christ, you guys need to get this place under control! I've been waiting for two fuckin' hours!" Eric yelled, looking up at the lady who looked down on the two and smiled as if Eric wasn't yelling at her at all. It had really only been about fifteen minutes but it seemed a lot longer to him.

" Eric, it's not her fault... you should apologise," Butters said. Eric gave Butters a ridiculous look.

" Are you kidding me?! I'm not apologising to nobody!" he said. The waitress asked the boys to follow her and she gave them a table with two chairs. Butters really wanted a booth and he would have gotten one if he came with his parents but a table would have to do.

" Here's two kiddy menus..." the waitress said, giving them each a menu. Eric ripped the menu from her slow hands as Butters let her set it on the table and then politely thanked her.

" Eric, you promised you'd be nice..." Butters said once the waitress disappeared. He put his hands on his hips.

" I said I'd be nice to you, I didn't say I'd be nice to anyone else," Eric said, rolling his eyes.

" Oh, right... I guess that's okay..." Butters said, holding up the menu.

" So, we'll get three meals... one for you, one for me, and then one for both of us. I'm gonna have a cheeseburger with some french fries... what are you going to have?" Eric asked. Butters continued reading the menu, trying to choose. It was hard, he liked so many things here.

" I'll have... no, no..." Butters flipped the page as Eric sighed, annoyed.

" Oh, yummy! I'm gonna have some ribs! Wait, no..." Butters flipped back to the first page. Eric put his head in his hand, sighing. Butters was just so annoying, sometimes.

" Hmm, let's see... well, I guess I'll have a cheeseburger and some fries, too," Butters said, smiling and lowering his menu.

" It's about time you-- I mean... good choice, my friend. Now, for our third meal: Ribs. No doubt," Eric said, taking off his gloves and then taking the crayons out of the crayon box. He hated the crayons at restaurants, they never had any good colors and they broke so easily.

" Ribs it is!" Butters said, glad they agreed. Butters took out his crayons as well and began coloring on the back of the menu.

--

Eric was drawing a picture of Kyle drowning in a tank full of water until he noticed that he didn't have a blue. Looking up, he found that Butters was using blue that second.

" Butters, give me the blue," Eric ordered, holding out his hand as he looked at his own masterpiece. Butters paused and looked up.

" Well... I'm using it..." Butters said, quietly. Eric glared at Butters.

" Butters, my art is way more important than yours. Give me the god damned blue or so help me--"

" Eric, you have to be nice to me, remember?" Butters reminded Eric. Eric dug his nails into his forehead and cursed, quietly.

" Butters, my bestest friend in the whole wide world, would you pretty pretty please with sugar on top give me the blue crayon so I can complete my work of art?" Eric asked, irritated. Butters giggled and smiled wide, then gave Eric the crayon.

" Haha, sure thing, Eric! You know, you should be nice more often!" Butters said, swinging his legs back and forth as he sat in the tall chair.

_Jesus, when this is over I'm going to kick him in the nuts so hard... _Eric thought as he colored the water surrounding Kyle. A grin formed on his face as he added blood coming from Kyle's nose with the red.

" Whatcha drawin', there, Eric?" Butters asked, leaning over the table so he could get a better view. Eric finished coloring the tank and then showed off his work to Butters, whose brows folded upward.

" It's great, isn't it? See, this is Kyle... and this is a tank... and that's the water, right there... and this red area is blood. I saw in this movie once that when you run out of oxygen your nose bleeds," Eric explained, smiling and admiring his genius.

" Um... that's... really good. Wanna see my picture?" Butters asked, excitedly.

" So, so much..." Eric said, sarcastically.

" Okay! I drew it for you!" Butters said, handing the drawing across the table. Eric took the picture into his hands and tried not to burst out laughing as he saw a picture of himself and Butters eating ribs. Eric hid his face behind the picture and shut his eyes tightly, wrinkling the paper with his hard grip.

_Oh my god, this is so retarded! _Eric thought.

" Do you like it?" Butters asked, hopefully. Eric took the paper away from his face and set it down on the table.

" Y-yes..." Eric said, trying to contain himself.

" Are... are you crying?" Butters asked, noticing tears on Eric's face. Eric touched his cheeks and felt wetness. He must have been crying as he held in his laughter.

" Why... yes, Butters. It's... a really lovely picture. I shall treasure it for the rest of my life," Eric said, hiding his face with his hand as he covered up his laughter as crying.

" Hahahaha, waaaaah!! It's just so beautiful!" Eric cried out, bashing his fist against the table top. Butters grinded his knuckles together, wishing he never showed Eric the picture. The boy was becoming an embarrassment.

_Gee, Eric mustn't get a lot of pictures... _Butters thought, his mouth opened slightly as he watched Eric wipe his eyes with the front of his jacket.

" Are you alright, now, Eric?" Butters asked. Eric shook his head up and down and then the waitress returned, asking what the boys wanted.

" It's about time, bitch. Uumm... first we're both going to have cheeseburgers and french fries. Coke for me... hey, Butters, what do you wanna drink?" Eric asked.

" Sprite," Butters said.

" ... And a sprite for the little tyke..." Eric said, smiling at Butters in a fatherly way. Butters smiled and played with the bottom of his shirt.

" Will that be all?" the woman asked, a huge smile on her face. She wasn't happy but all waitresses had to smile or else they'd go to jail. It was a new rule.

" Did I say I was finished? Shit... Then, we'll each share a plate of ribs. And now... I am finished. Be gone with you," Eric ordered, waving his hand at the waitress. She almost gave Eric the finger but then noticed her boss was watching. She instead smiled brightly and went over to another table, plotting her boss' demise.

" This is gonna take forever," Eric said, already impatient.

" Well, at least we'll get to spend more time together... while I was ignoring you, I bet you were really lonely!" Butters said, smiling. Eric scoffed, holding in his rude reply. He couldn't wait for this deal to be over with.

_Only a few more hours... _he thought.

" Yeah, yeah, I was so lonely without you in my life..." Eric said, dryly.

--

A half hour later, their food arrived. Both Eric and Butters smiled brightly, looking at eachother. The moment was finally here... they were finally going to eat. It was like nothing Eric had ever experienced and he took his first bite of the cheeseburger as if he were a starving child eating its first real meal. He slowly chewed as if it were the last burger he would ever have.

Butters just ate normally, pausing to take a sip of his sprite every now and then.

By the time Butters was finished with his burger and fries, he was so stuffed. He didn't think he'd be able to eat anymore and he still had to help Eric eat the plate of ribs, which was already half gone. Butters decided to just let Eric eat the rest as he sat and colored some more.

" Butters, these ribs are sooo good. Have some," Eric ordered, his face and hands covered in sauce. There was even some sauce on his forehead; he was that messy.

Butters looked up from his drawing.

" No thanks, Eric. I'm stuffed," Butters said, looking back down. Eric chewed annoyingly on another rib.

" Don't be such a wuss, just do as I say and eat it," Eric said as he reached for another rib.

" I don't wanna eat when I'm not hungry, Eric! I'll get big and fat, like you!" Butters said in his defense. He didn't like when people called him a wuss just because he didn't want to eat more than his stomach could handle.

" What did you call me?! Are you seriously, right now?! I'm gonna--!" Eric noticed Butters reaching into his pocket, taking out a photo. He held it close to his face and began laughing maniacally. Eric looked to the left then the right.

" Sorry! Sorry for yelling, Butters! Just put that thing away!" Eric said, quickly. Butters wiped his eyes and then suddenly turned serious.

" I'm not playing, Eric! The deal was that if you don't be nice to me, I'm going to tell everyone your secret! And I will if you don't start being nice right now!" Butters yelled, keeping the photo in his hands.

" Alright, alright! Please just put it away! You have to give me some time, Butters... I'm not used to living like this," Eric said, relaxing once Butters put the photo back into his pocket.

" Alright... I'll give you one more chance..." Butters said. Eric swallowed and then reached for a rib to calm his nerves.

" Jesus, Butters, you freaked me out, there... now I'm going to have to eat this whole plate of ribs just to calm down!" Eric said as an excuse to eat the rest of the ribs. Butters rolled his eyes then went back to coloring his picture.

A few minutes later, the waitress came back to them and took their plates and cups.

" Would you like some ice cream?" she asked, smiling brightly. Eric and Butters looked at eachother. Eric smiled.

" Sure... but to go, I've gotta put this little guy to bed," Eric said, stretching and then putting on his gloves. Butters laughed as the woman smiled and wondered why the fat boy was acting like a pedophile.

" Alright... what sort of ice cream would you like?" asked the tall waitress, balancing the plates and cups in one hand as she took out a pad and laid it on their table with the other. Eric felt the lady was quite rude... _How dare she put her pad on my table? _he thought, glaring at her. She ignored him and waited for their orders.

" I'm going to have... chocolate ice cream, with extra chocolate... and some chocolate sprinkles with a hint of, say... chocolate syrup? Oh, and on a chocolate cone... can't be without one of those. And let's not forget the chocolate chips... That's for me," Eric finished as the lady wrote Eric's order fast as lightning.

" And what would my favorite little boy like?" Eric asked, resting his elbow on the table and smiling at Butters. Butters grinned back then looked up at the lady.

" We'll take three of those!" Butters said. He then turned to Eric.

"We'll take three of those, right?" Butters asked, whispering. He wasn't sure if that would be appropriate or not and he wanted Eric's approval. Eric smirked, glad Butters was taking after him. He taught the young boy well.

"Yes, we'll take three of those," Eric said, smiling.

--

After getting their ice cream, they gave the waitress their coupons and left without giving a tip (Eric added as they left that even if he had the money to give her a tip, he wouldn't because she was such a jack ass and completely unprofessional).

Walking down the street, Eric finally spotted his house. He turned towards Butters and seemed a bit uncomfortable.

" Butters..." he began, a nervous look in his eyes. Butters noticed Eric got this look whenever he was going to say something nice. Butters smiled and waited for the thanks he was going to receive.

" Well... I just wanted to thank you for allowing me to come with you. It was a great meal and I shall eat this ice cream tonight with a smile on my face as I think of you," Eric said. Butters toed the snowy ground, shyly.

" It's alright, Eric... I... well, I really did miss you this week. I'm glad we got to spend time together," Butters said, looking up from the ground and into Eric's eyes. For a minute, they continued looking at eachother, smiling softly. Suddenly, Eric moved closer to Butters- his arms out.

" W-what are you doing?!" Butters cried out, suddenly remembering that his father told him not to turn gay.

" Just relax, Butters... I'm going to hug you. Come here..." he said softly, moving closer to Butters. Butters thought and wondered if two boys hugging was gay. He decided it wasn't; he saw Stan and Kyle hugging all the time and they weren't gay. Butters smiled and stepped forward, his arms out. They moved closer together, and just when they were about to hug, Butters felt a horrible pain between his legs.

" Ow!!" he yelped, falling over with his hands between his legs. Eric was laughing loudly, pointing at Butters. He'd kicked Butters so hard in the nuts, he wondered if the young boy's balls were going to be permanently damaged.

" Hahaha! That's what you get for making me treat you like a God, you piece of shit! Hahaha! Oh, jesus, I bet your balls are already bruising!!" Eric cried out, falling over and holding his stomach. He kicked his legs and hit the ground with his fists until Butters finally got up, still holding himself.

" Eric! You... you big meany! Why'd you do that?! That was your last chance and you blew it!" Butters yelled, going back to kneeling on the ground. He was hurting so badly, he was surprised he could talk.

" No, the deal is off, retard! And I'm going to get you back sooo bad! Hahaha!"

" Eric, the deal wasn't that you had to be nice to me only for one night, the deal was that you had to be nice to me for forever!" Butters said, getting up from the ground slowly. He found he could stand, now, and he glared at Eric.

" What...? For forever?! That's total bull crap!" Eric cried, holding his head in his hands. Butters crossed his arms over his chest.

" Well, it's true... and if you don't do as I say and treat me with respect, I will show everybody this picture!" Butters took the picture of his pocket, showing Eric. Eric took the picture from Butters' hand and ripped it to shreds, then stuffed it into his mouth. He chewed and swallowed, then smirked.

" Oh, what are you going to do now, huh?" Eric asked. Butters smiled, unnerving Eric.

" Nothing. I've got copies. Thousands of copies. All hidden... you'd never find them! And I will show everyone... especially Kyle!" Butters said, knowing that Eric and Kyle enjoyed the other's humilation. Butters knew if he showed Kyle the picture, Eric would be made fun of for the rest of his life, literally. Eric sighed and held his head with his hand. He didn't know if Butters was lying about having all those pictures but if he wasn't, Eric didn't want to risk it.

" Okay, okay. Alright, Butters... I will be nice to you," Eric said, sadly. This was going to really ruin his life... torturing Butters emotionally and physically was one of his favorite hobbies of all time. Not only did he have to stop doing one of his favorite hobbies, he also had to add a new one that he despised; he had to treat Butters like a god. He wondered how this would affect his reputation, but then decided that his friends thinking he and Butters had an ultra awesome friendship was better than them thinking he was gay.

" Well, I'll see you later then, Eric... I gotta get home!" Butters said, smiling and then turning towards his own house. Eric sighed, and went to his house as well.

--

Eric hadn't seen Butters during the weekend and he was quite happy about that. It gave him some time to relax and enjoy his life before he'd have to be Butters slave. He'd eaten his ice cream as slowly as he could Saturday, tickled his cat's belly until it pissed Sunday, and now it was Monday and he was walking over to the bus stop where Stan, Kyle and Kenny stood. Eric walked over to the space between Kyle and Kenny and then sighed, rubbing his eyes.

" Hey, fatass. How'd the date go?" asked Kyle, smiling. Kenny laughed.

" Shut up, jew! It wasn't a date!" Eric yelled, clenching his fists.

" Besides, you were going to go if you didn't have plans with Stan!" Eric added, folding his arms across his chest. Kyle sighed.

" Retard, we didn't really have plans! We just said we had plans because we didn't want to go on a date with Butters!" Kyle said. Eric paused, looking from the left to the right.

" Are you kidding me? Eating out with another dude is gay?" Eric asked. Everyone nodded and Eric looked down at his feet.

" Oh..." Eric said, simply. He learned a new thing, that day.

Suddenly, Butters came running up to the four boys, a smile on his face.

" Hey guys! Hi, Eric!" Butters said, running up to Eric. He stood beside him, next to Kenny. Stan raised a brow, Kyle's mouth hung open, and Kenny's eyes widened.

" Um... Butters? What the hell are you doing here?" Stan asked.

" Oh... nothin'. I just thought I'd ride with you guys!" Butters said, smiling. All three boys looked at eachother, wondering why Butters thought he was allowed to wait at the bus stop with them.

" Um... Butters?" Eric began, his eyes moving from the left to the right. Butters looked at Eric.

" What... what are you doing here?" Eric asked nicely, rubbing his hands together nervously.

" Nothing, Eric. Why?" Butters asked, innocently. Eric had the urge to push Butters into the road as the bus came into view. Instead, he mentally cursed at the boy and clenched his fists.

" No reason. Enjoy the ride," Eric said, glaring at the snow covered ground. He could hear Kenny laughing and when he looked at Kyle and Stan, he found they both had questioning looks on their faces.

Eric sighed then he and Butters walked up to the bus' door once it came to a stop. Eric and Butters both stepped through the door at the first time and got stuck. Pulling themselves out, Eric glared at Butters and then sighed.

" Here. You can go first," Eric said, depressed. Butters smiled and stepped up the stairs.

" Why thank you, Eric!" he said, going to the back of the bus. Eric followed him and together they sat down.

Stan turned to Kyle once they found a seat.

" I think Cartman caught some gay when he went on that date with Butters," Stan told his friend.

" Yeah, I know! There's something fishy going on..." Kyle said, turning around in his seat and watching Cartman. The fat boy was playing patty cake with Butters. Kyle's eyes widened and he turned to face the front of the bus.

Stan noticed the worried look on Kyle's face.

" What is it, dude? What'd you see?" Stan asked, starting to turn around. Kyle grabbed Stan's shoulders.

" Don't look at him, Stan! Don't look at him!" Kyle pleaded. Stan sat back normally, choosing to listen to Kyle.

" Why, what are they doing?" Stan asked. Kyle sat still, his eyes unblinking.

" Cartman's been brainwashed. There's something wrong with him! Just... just promise me you won't look. Promise me," Kyle said.

" I... but I want to know what he's--" Stan began.

" I said promise me!!" Kyle exclaimed, shaking Stan.

"Alright, alright! I won't look, I swear!" Stan yelped. Kyle stopped shaking his friend and sat still, keeping his mind off the horrible thing he saw. He would have let Stan see but he really didn't want his best friend to catch the gay. Some things just couldn't be risked.

They just couldn't.


	3. Chapter 3

**I forgot to add that everyone in this story is a bit older. Maybe 12. That's why they have different teachers. Plus, I don't think I'd be able to write a Butters/Cartman story unless they were older.**

* * *

Chapter 3

It was science class. The teacher, Mr. Hurley, had told the students that they would be disecting squid that day. The class groaned.

" Oh, good, I thought that horrible smell was me," Craig said, sighing.

" Man, that's really gross, man!" Tweek cried out, shaking.

" Alright, everyone. Choose a partner and then pick a table to work at," Mr. Hurley said as he held the large box of dead squid.

Once everyone chose a partner and table, Mr. Hurley plopped the squid down on each table. Wendy pinched her nose and turned to Bebe.

"This is SO disgusting! I can't believe we have to do this!" she told her friend.

"I know, it smells like my mom!" Bebe replied, holding her nose as well.

Once everyone had a squid to work with, Mr. Hurley put the empty box down on the ground and stood in the middle of the class room.

"Okay... if you look to your left, you'll see that you have some tools... there's the slicey knife (my favorite) which we'll use to cut the squid in half. Now, _don't _do it like this," Mr. Hurley drew a picture of a squid on the black bored and then drew a horizontal line going through the middle of it.

"Do it like _this,_" the teacher said, erasing the horizontal line and replacing it with a vertical line.

"Understand?"

Eric raised his hand.

"Yes, Eric?" the teacher asked.

"Um... which way are we supposed to cut it?" Eric asked. Mr. Hurley sighed.

"Like _this,_" Mr. Hurley erased the vertical line only to remake it. He then turned back to Eric, who was looking to the left then to the right.

"Like... like this?" Eric cut the squid horizontally. Mr. Hurley growled and put his head in his hands.

"Eric Cartman! I said _not _to cut it that way! Are you not paying attention?!" the teacher yelled. Eric sighed.

"I... I'm sorry..." he said, sadly. Mr. Hurley swallowed, then wiped the back of his hand against his forehead. All this warm, raw meat was making him sweat.

"It's... not your fault, Eric. But now you're going to have to share Butters' squid," the teacher said. Eric smiled and leaned closer to Butters. He cut Butters' squid horizontally.

"Like this?" Eric asked. Mr. Hurley furiously shook his head back and forth.

"No! You're doing it all wrong! Look, now you AND Butters are going to have to miss out on this wonderful experience!"

"I... understand..." Eric said, looking down at his desk.

"You can go in the back and draw while we do this..." the teacher said, giving Eric and Butters some pieces of paper. Eric sighed.

"I wish I could just disect some squids. It's all my fault... I should have payed better attention... God, I wish I wasn't so stupid! I wish I was smart like all the other kids! I'm sorry, Butters... I'm sorry that you have to miss out on this because of ME!" Eric cried, as the two slowly began walking to the back of the class room. They layed down on the ground, paper and pencil in front of them.

" He totally did that on purpose! He just doesn't want to do the assignment!" Kyle exclaimed. Mr. Hurley looked at Kyle, putting his finger to his lips.

"Kyle! How dare you say such things?! Leave Eric alone, he's having a rough day! Have you no heart?!" the teacher cried. Kyle clenched his fists, glaring at Eric who was smiling and humming happily as he doodled.

Butters chuckled.

" This sure was a good idea of yours, Eric. My parents can't ground _you_! And the teacher'll tell 'em that it wasn't my fault! Thank you, old buddy!" Butters whispered, patting Eric's hand. Eric sighed.

"I am pretty awesome, aren't I?" Eric asked. He had to admit that showing off his grand manipulating skills, and being admired for them, was quite satisfying.

"Y-you sure are," Butters said, smiling.

Kyle stopped from disecting the squid and looked to the back of the class room. He found Butters patting Eric's hand and giggling happily as Eric smiled smugly. Kyle winced and shook his head back and forth.

--

Later in the day, Butters was walking beside Eric down the hall when he started to feel a bit thirsty. He stopped walking and looked around for a bubbler.

Eric paused, turning around.

"Butters, what did you stop walking for?!" Eric yelled, accidentally. He hoped Butters hadn't noticed.

"I'm just a little thir-thirsty," Butters said, not seeming to mind Eric's irritated comment. Eric sighed and then looked around for a bubbler. He found one beside the boys' bathroom.

"Here, there's a bubbler right over there. Let me take you to it," Eric said, putting his hand on Butters' back as he lead him to the bubbler. Butters smiled.

Once they reached the bubbler, Butters' tried to press the bar but he couldn't. There were too many books in his hands and he wasn't strong enough to hold them with just one, like Eric could. Butters looked at Eric.

"Could you please push down the bar? Uh, I can't do it with all these b-books in my hands," Butters said.

"Oh, yeah, sure," Eric said, pushing the bar in. Butters sipped the water as other students watched the two.

"What the heck? Is that Cartman?" one kid asked. Eric blinked and frowned, but didn't turn around to find out who had spoken.

"Dude, why's he doing that for the Stotch kid? Is he his servant or something?" someone else said. Eric groaned and shut his eyes.

"Are you done, Butters?" Eric asked through clenched teeth. Butters stopped drinking quickly to reply.

"Not yet," Butters said, going back to drinking. He made annoying 'mmm' sounds as he hydrated himself.

"Yeah, he's totally his servant."

"That's so funny. Like... he was always the bad ass of the school and now he's serving the pansy ass of the school. How ironic!"

Butters finally leaned back from the fountain and wiped the back of his sleeve against his mouth.

"Al-alright, I'm done, now, Eric!" Butters said. Eric released the bar and then he and Butters began walking to their next class. Students watched them and made rude comments and Eric yelled at each one of them. He wasn't allowed to tell them that he was being nice to Butters because of a deal but it did make him feel a lot better to yell at them than to have to keep quiet.

He told one student to fuck his mom, he told another to eat his shit, and he told another to lick the bottom of his shoes. All random insults but they were quite good for the soul.

Eric looked at Butters and saw the boy was smiling. Eric wondered how Butters could smile as everyone insulted them. He figured that he was probably one of those kids that were taught 'sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me'.

_Stupid retard... he lets people walk all over him! _Eric thought.

--

After school, Butters and Eric rode the bus to their homes. First Butters was dropped off.

"Bye, Eric! I'll see you soon!" Butters said, waving and then getting off the bus. Eric waved back, and once Butters was out of sight, he went limp. He sighed and shut his eyes, happy to be rid of Butters.

_Jesus... everyone's laughing at me! God, I gotta tell Kyle... no, wait, but if I tell Kyle I'm only being nice because Butters is holding a secret of mine against me, Kyle's going to end up going to Butters and asking what the secret is. And that stupid backstabber will show Kyle the picture without letting me know! _

_I need to do something! I need to get out of this! I don't want everyone to think I like Butters! They may not think we're gay but I'm still losing my awesome reputation as a bad ass! _

_Oh, I know! I'll use my tape-recorder! I'll keep it with me always and then I'll give it to the guys, later! They'll see that it's all just a big misunderstanding! But what about when Butters speaks of the secret...? Oh, I'll just tape over it... put like a little bleep or something whenever Butters mentions what the secret is. _

_It's the perfect plan! _

Eric put his arms under his neck. He sure was glad that he was a genius.

--

Later, Eric was in his room searching for his tape-recorder. Finally, after about ten minutes, Eric found it. He stuffed it in jacket pocket and decided that next time he and Butters were together, he'd simply turn it on. Eric smiled then went off to go have dinner. He wondered what his mom would be making.

He ran down the stairs, excited to finally be able to eat. He hit the floor and then ran into the dining room and who else did he see sitting at the table but Butters. Eric stopped running and stood still, looking at Butters with a blank expression. Butters smiled and waved.

Eric put his hand in his pocket and turned the tape recorder on, then sat at the table beside Butters.

"Oh, there you are, hunnykins! Butters' parents called and asked if Butters could have dinner over here with us, so I said yes!" Eric's mother explained. She put a plate of chicken and mashed potatoes in front of Butters and Eric.

"Thanks for letting me come over, Mrs. Cartman!" Butters said, before picking up a piece of chicken.

"Yeah... thanks, mom..." Eric said, unhappily.

Mrs. Cartman then left the room. She thought she would leave the two alone and eat in the living room. She liked when Eric made new friends and she didn't want to disturb them.

"So... Butters..." Eric began, putting on a fake smile.

"Yeah?" Butters asked, licking his lips and then taking another bite of the chicken leg.

"Um... now, I mean this in the nicest way... but why didn't you tell me you were going to ask your parents if you could come over for dinner?" Eric asked as calmly as he could. Butters stopped eating and looked up at Eric.

"Well... you don't mind... do you?" Butters asked, innocently. But Eric knew that under that innocence was a mind of evil and he quickly replied.

"Um... of course not. I actually wish you could come over for dinner all the time!" Eric said, mocking excitement. Butters smiled.

"Oh, I wish that, too, pal!" Butters exclaimed. He then continued to eat, happily, as Eric looked down at his food, upset.

_I hate my life... _he thought as he toyed with his food.

--

Once dinner was over, Butters put his plate in the sink and then explained that he had to head home to do his chores. Eric pretended to be upset and Butters smiled at that, making Eric want to kick him in the nuts. He knew Butters must have loved having control over him and it seriously pissed him off.

"Good bye, Butters!" Eric said, opening the door for Butters. Butters walked out of the door and then turned around.

"See you later, Eric! I'll call you!"

Butters began walking down the street and then Eric shut the door and groaned, unhappily. He hated Butters so much but at the same time he couldn't help but slightly admire how good he was a manipulator. Eric sighed.

_I taught him all he knows and now he uses it against me! What a fucking turd face!_ Eric thought, sitting down on the couch beside his mother. He changed the channel from "Lifetime" to "MTV". His mother smiled and petted him on the head.

"Stop touching me, mom!" Eric complained, waving his hand at her. She stopped petting her son and instead got up and put her plate in the sink. Once she came back into the livingroom, she had her purse.

"I'm going out, hunny. I'll be back, later... if I'm still gone after your bedtime, don't wait up! You have school tomorrow and I don't want you feeling tired," his mother explained. She was planning on doing a little man hunting and she didn't want her son being up when she returned.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever, ssshh!" Eric rudely replied. His mother chose to ignore her son's behavior and left the house, blowing Eric a kiss.

--

An hour later, the phone rang. Eric picked it up, keeping his attention on the tv.

"Heeelllooo?" Eric asked.

"W-well, hello to you, Eric!"

It was Butters. Eric put his hand to the mouth part of the phone and sighed as loudly as he could. He then put the telephone back to his ear and politely spoke into it.

"Hello, Butters... we haven't interacted with eachother for a whole enitre hour! I missed you sooo muuuuch..." Eric said, sarcastically. Butters didn't seem to notice the sarcasm and he went on.

"Heh heh, yeah, I missed you, too. So... what are ya doing?" Butters asked. Eric put his face in his hand.

"I'm watching tv. And I _was _really enjoying my life," Eric said, trying to drop a hint as nicely as he could. Butters didn't catch it, of course. Either that or he chose to ignore it.

"Well, I'm glad! Want to know what I'm doing?" Butters asked.

"Yuh-huh," Eric said, trying to pay attention.

"I'm letting the hampsters outta the cage," Butters said.

"Oh, really? That's nice, Butters," Eric said, uninterested.

"Yeah... they don't like their cage. It gets hot in there... really hot. It gets so hot that they drink almost all of their water in one day!"

Outside, Kyle, Stan, and Kenny were sneaking up to Eric's house.

"Guys, there's something funny going on with Cartman... I think he's caught some gay! We've gotta see what's going on in there!" Kyle said, peeking through the window. He found Cartman on the phone and he heard him mention Butters' name.

"He's talking to Butters on the phone! Be quiet!" Kyle said, pressing his ear against the window. Stan and Kenny did the same.

"Wow... that's hot," Cartman said. Stan and Kyle looked at eachother, confused.

_"And... in the cage, there's one big long tube that they go through! Ha, ha!"_ Butters said, unheard by the boys outside.

"How long is it?" Cartman asked.

_"Well... it's pretty long. Not too long, though... it's all twisty," _Butters replied, laughing.

"God, that's really nice..." Cartman said, faking interest.

_"Want me to hold one of the hampsters?" _Butters asked, childishly.

"Mhm, hold it... yeah," Eric said, not listening.

Outside the boys' eyes widened.

"What are they talking about?" Stan asked Kyle. Kyle shrugged but he didn't think they were talking about anything decent or pure.

"They're having phone sex!" Kenny said, a look of disgust on his face. Stan and Kyle gasped, horrified.

"No way!" Stan yelped, his mouth wide open.

"Yes way!" Kenny said. All three boys quickly put their ears back to the window.

"Okay, squeeze it," Eric said. At that point, Kyle, Stan and Kenny all looked at eachother, wide-eyed.

"I... think we should go, now. I'm feeling sick..." Stan said, holding his stomach. Kyle's face seemed to have lost all color.

"Y-yeah... let's get out of here..." Kyle said. The three then left Eric's yard, trying to put what they heard out of their minds.

"No, I'm not going to squeeze my hampster, Eric! He didn't mean to bite me... he just got nervous, is all..." Butters said.

"Geez, I was just kidding!" Eric whined, rolling his eyes.

--

The next day, Eric walked over to the bus stop, next to his friends. He yawned and rubbed his eyes. He looked tired. Kyle was the only one brave enough to ask the question that was going through all of their minds.

"What are your tired for, Cartman?" Kyle asked. He had an idea as to why he was so tired, and he wanted to see if Eric was willing to admit it or not.

"Oh... nothing..." Eric said, a brow raised. He coughed, nervously, then rubbed his hands together. Stan puked.

Suddenly, Butters came walking up to the four, just like he had yesterday. Eric sighed and rolled his eyes.

_WILL HE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE, ALREADY?! _Eric thought, grinding his teeth.

Butters stood beside Eric, smiling.

"Hey, Eric! That sure was a nice talk we had last night! Thanks for cheering me up!" Butters said, much to Eric's dismay. Eric shook his head back and forth. He really hated his life.

"You're... welcome... Butters," Eric said, robotically.

"Talk...? What were you guys talking about?" Kyle asked, hoping he'd be able to catch a lie if there was one.

"Oh, nothing much. Just kitties, rainbows, flowers, bunnies... Eric was helping me fall asleep after a bad dream... I called him because I'm not allowed to see my parents during the night..." Butters said, sadly. Eric frowned as Kyle's face scrunched up in disgust as he quietly processed the information given to him.

_Jesus, Butters! You're torturing me! Why'd you have to mention the rainbows?! Okay, okay... just calm down. Everybody's going to find out the truth soon... I just got to keep this tape-recorder on and next time I'm alone, I'll give it to them... _Eric thought.

The bus came into view and once it stopped, all boys stepped up and found a seat. Butters chose a seat in the middle of the bus and Eric followed him. They sat, Butters on the window side.

"So, you, uh... you wanna play patty cake, again?" Butters asked, rubbing his knuckles together. Eric sighed, wondering why Butters asked him if he wanted to when he knew he had to listen to him whether he wanted to or not. He turned toward Butters as they played patty cake for the second day in a row.

Eric's face was unreadable... he looked as if he had no emotions. He had the face of a dead man as he clapped and sang "Patty cake, patty cake, bakers' man! Bake me a cake as fast as you can!". He wanted to kill... Butters, in particular. He didn't know how much longer he could take this whole 'being nice to Butters' thing. He wondered when he'd crack. Sure, everyone would find out WHY he was serving Butters if he gave them the tape-recorder, but that didn't mean that he was allowed to stop. If he did, Butters would end up showing everyone the picture and he'd be doomed. Everyone would find out that he was a gay boy who touched his weiner while looking at boys in a magazine.

_God damn it, why'd I have to go and do that?! My stupid curiousity! Okay, I need an excuse... if I crack, I'm going to need one or else I'm done for! Okay, let's see... I was using the bathroom and reading a magazine... and just so happened to be on a page of two gay men kissing when I fell asleep on the toilet and my hand went limp, falling on my weiner. I thought it was Clyde Frog so I squeezed it, since I thought I was in my own bed. It makes perfect sense... Who wouldn't believe that? _

Eric continued playing patty cake with Butters until the bus finally arrived at the school and everyone got off.

--

In the hallway of the school, Butters was at his locker, getting all of his books for the first periods of the day.

_It sure is great having Eric treat me like this! I wish he always acted this nice! _Butters thought, shutting his locker.

_Gee, I wonder if I could get him to hold my books for me... they're awful heavy. He's so big and strong, I bet it won't be too much trouble!_

Butters walked down the hall and over to Eric, who was taking his books out of his locker.

"Hey, Eric!" Butters exclaimed, happily. Eric rolled his eyes.

"Butters, you don't have to say hi to me every time you see me. We haven't been away from eachother for more than a few minutes," Eric said, slamming his locker door, angrily. He couldn't take his anger out on anything else at the moment.

"Well, the way I see it, you can never greet your best friend too much!" Butters said, chuckling. Eric forced himself to laugh and it ended up sounding like a dying cat's meow. Butters patted Eric on the back.

"Are you okay, there, Eric? You don't sound too good..." Butters said. Eric sighed and headed for their first class of the day.

"I'm fine..." Eric said, lowly.

"Well, good! You can hold my books, then!" Butters said, holding his books out for Eric to take.

"Butters, the deal was that I had to be nice to you, not that I had to be your fuckin' slave!" Eric said, angrily. Butters gave Eric an unhappy look.

Eric was so upset, so irritated, he had to let out his anger, somehow.

"SORRY BUTTERS!! I'D LOVE TO HOLD YOUR BOOKS!!" Eric yelled, a big and eery smile on his face as he took Butters' books and placed them on his own. Butters rubbed his knuckles together, nervous by Eric's sudden outburst.

"Th-thank you, Eric..." Butters said, quietly, before the two went into the first class of the day.

--

It was lunch time, and Butters and Eric were sitting together at one of the less popular lunch tables.

"Oh, yicky! I, uh, I hate this school food!" Butters said, looking down at the food that looked like a pile of mud.

"Yeah, me too. It's totally gross," Eric agreed, looking down at the tray. He then looked around at the other students' lunches. Most of the students had school lunch, but a few children had brought their lunch from home. Pip had some sort of food Eric had never seen before, so he looked elsewhere. Clyde was put on a diet by his mother and so all he had was a salad, which Eric really wasn't in the mood for. Looking further, Eric then found that Tweek had a sandwich of some sort. It looked like ham. Eric was willing to have a ham sandwich but he wondered what Butters would like. He knew that if he didn't get something for Butters, as well, the boy might get upset and end up showing everyone the picture. Eric looked beside Tweek and found Craig who was digging a spoon into a Red Racer thermas. Eric asumed it was soup, so he got up from the table.

"W-where are you goin'?" Butters asked, sadly.

"Don't worry, I'll fix this little problem," Eric said, his voice full of self-admiration as he smiled smugly and began walking over to where Craig and Tweek were sitting.

"Hello, guys!" Eric said, standing behind Tweek who jumped.

"Sweet Jesus!" Tweek yelped.

"Go away," Craig said, unhappily. Whenever Eric was near him, he knew it was because he wanted or needed something from him.

"I apologize, I didn't mean to alarm you..." Eric said to Tweek, ignoring Craig.

"I was just coming over here to tell you something," Eric said, sitting beside Tweek. Tweek looked at Eric and began breathing quickly.

"I just wanted to tell you... that last week, I was watching the news and... I found out that this girl was eating a sandwich (much like yours, I might add) and there was a poisonous spider in it. Well... she ate it, and... well, let's just say... that sandwich was the last thing to ever enter her mouth..." Eric ended sadly. Tweek was shaking and he pushed the sandwich away from himself.

"Oh my god, oh my god! I've eaten so many sandwiches in my life! What if I have some horrible disease?! God, keep that thing away from me! I don't wanna die!!" Tweek babbled as he yanked on his hair.

"Oh, great! Look what you did, man, now Tweek's going crazy, again! I just got him to calm down!" Craig said, glaring at Eric. Eric reached out in front of Tweek and took the sandwich wrapped in tinfoil. He stuffed it in his pocket, then sat beside Craig.

"I was just helping a friend, no harm done. But, Craig, I was wondering... what kind of soup is that?" Eric asked. Craig frowned.

"Chicken soup... go away."

_Chicken soup? Butters likes that, I bet... _Eric thought.

"Well... I was just wondering... You like Red Racer, right?" Eric asked.

"Yes," Craig said. He raised a brow, curious.

"Well... I've got this awesome amazing Red Racer poster... and if you let me have that soup, I'll give it to you... free of charge," Eric said.

"Really?" Craig asked, his eyes wide. He only had two Red Racer posters and even if Eric had one he already owned, he still wanted it.

" Will you give it back to me when you're done?" Craig asked, looking at his thermas with love in his eyes. Eric smiled to comfort Craig.

"Yes, yes... of course," Eric said. Craig thought, looking to the left then the right.

"Well... okay. Come over to my house after school with the poster," Craig said, handing the thermas over to Eric, who took it happily.

"Sure thing, my friend," Eric said, smiling. He really didn't even have a Red Racer poster but he figured it wouldn't matter because he'd already gotten the thermas.

_Heh, heh, heh! Retards! _

Eric walked back over to his seat and gave Butters the Red Racer thermas. Butters took it, confused.

"Um... what is this?" Butters asked. Eric took the sandwich out of his pocket and began eating it.

"I asked Craig if you could have his soup. He said yes," Eric said.

"Really? He doesn't mind?" Butters asked, looking over at Craig who was staring at the top of the table, bored.

"Nope. He said he wasn't hungry," Eric said, taking another bite of the sandwich.

"Well, that sure was nice of him!" Butters said, pouring the soup into the thermas cap.

"Yeah, well... if I hadn't gone over there we never would have found out that he didn't want the soup," Eric said as he finished off the sandwich and threw the tinfoil under the table. Butters chuckled at Eric's jealousy.

"Thank you, Eric," Butters said, patting Eric on the back. Butters then took a sip of the soup and sighed.

After Butters was finished eating all the soup, he gave the thermas back to Eric, who gave it back to Craig.

"Don't forget to give me the poster," Craig said, suspiciously.

"Yeah, yeah. I won't forget..." Eric said, rolling his eyes.

--

After the last class of the day, Butters was following Eric out of the school.

"Hey, Eric?" Butters asked, trying to catch up. Eric slowed down so he and Butters were standing beside eachother.

"Yes, Butters?" Eric asked, irritated. He was so sick of the questions and orders, he wished that Butters would just leave him alone. He hoped that Butters would get sick of him soon.

"I was w-wonderin'... if you'd sleep over my house this weekend. I asked my parents and they said you could as long as I don't get grounded this week. And well... since you've got to be nice to me from now on, it'll be easy not to get grounded!" Butters said, smiling.

_Yes! Proof! God, I gotta let the guys listen to this tape-recorder... I just need to find the right moment... _Eric thought. He smiled, pretending to be excited because of the thought of going over Butters' house.

"Sure, Butters! I'll sleep over your house!" Eric said, pretending to be happy and excited.

"Oh, boy! This'll be great! How's Saturday? Is that good for you?" Butters asked.

"I think so," Eric said, going through the doors of the school. They waited for the bus to come by and as they waited, Butters held Eric's hand. Instinctively, Eric ripped his hand out of Butters' and gave the boy a look.

Butters frowned and rubbed his knuckles together.

_Oh, shit... now he's all mad at me. _Eric thought. He sighed, unhappily, then held his hand out for Butters to hold. Butters smiled and held Eric's hand as the bus showed up. Together, they stepped onto the bus and tried walking down the middle as they held hands. It was a bit hard and they got a lot of laughs, but they managed.

Sitting down, Eric turned to Butters.

"Butters... can we, like... not hold hands? Everyone's going to find out you're gay, ya know..." Eric said.

"Oh, that's alright, Eric. I don't care what people think of me," Butters said, smiling. Eric shut his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Of course you don't..." Eric said.


End file.
